How and Why It’s Time for You to Give Up Complaining

Afifa Rehman
6 min readMay 9, 2024

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A normal aspect of human communication is complaining. It is frequently a reaction to issues or a means of expressing unhappiness. On the other hand, people may occasionally worry if their complaints are excessive. In situations like these, learning when to quit complaining can enable you to handle your stress in more flexible ways.

Although it’s probably unrealistic to resolve to never complain again, there are advantages to setting boundaries. This article examines the reasons behind complaints, the effects they may have on well-being, and strategies for reducing everyday complains.

Why Do People Complain?

Understanding the reasons behind this kind of communication might be beneficial. People have many different causes for complaining. Several contributing elements include:

Control of Emotions

People will occasionally use complaints as an emotional coping mechanism. They intend to mitigate the intensity of these upsetting emotions by letting their sentiments out.

Mood

When people are in a bad mood, they could be more prone to complain. The issue with this is that individuals tend to complain more when they’re upset. Their complaining then fuels more depressing thoughts, starting a vicious cycle.

Personality

Personality Studies indicate that the frequency of complaints may be related to specific personality qualities. It should come as no surprise that those with high agreeableness ratings are also the least likely to voice complaints.

Social Factors

People’s social surroundings can have an impact on their propensity to complain because being around complainers can encourage social bonding and the sharing of complaints. Humans tend to complain, and even people who lead fulfilling lives could find themselves complaining more than is necessary. Apologizing for complaints and asking reliable people for guidance helps keep complaining in a constructive way. Excessive gripping or spreading rumors, though, might be dangerous.

Review:There are many different reasons why people complain, such as their personality qualities or the need for social support.

How to Stop Complaining

How can you tell whether your complaints are becoming excessive? Keeping an eye on how you communicate on a regular basis, whether it be by text, in-person interactions, or any other medium, can be beneficial. Take note of how much of the conversation’s content is negative or complaints-oriented.

It’s common to see that a portion of your everyday correspondence consists of concentrating on complaints or objections. However, if you observe a pattern in which a large portion of your speech is negative, it can indicate that you need to find a solution to your complaints.

Here are some markers that you may be complaining about too much:

  • You express negativity without attempting to find a solution.
  • You tend to dwell on the past a lot.
  • You feel a great deal of remorse and long to go back and make different decisions.
  • You feel anxious a lot of the time.
  • Typically, you become agitated after complaining.
  • You have a depressing attitude toward life.
  • Discussing issues makes you feel gloomy or powerless.

Because of your persistent negativity, you might also notice that other people start to distance themselves from you or avoid you. Your network of social support may suffer as a result.

Complaining all the time may also make it harder for you to find supportive people in your life. Those who genuinely desire to spend time with you often contribute to your negative thinking by co-rumination, which is the repetitive recounting of past occurrences.

How to Stop Complaining

If this connects with you and you want to recommit to making things as happy as possible, consider implementing the following strategy to increase positivity, decrease stress, and minimize whining.

You will probably notice a difference in your stress levels and general level of life satisfaction as you concentrate more on reducing your complaining and increasing your thankfulness and joy about life.

Being conscious of when you start to complain excessively or start to dwell on the past is the first step. Trying something different is the next step. These tried-and-true methods can be useful:

Journaling

There are numerous advantages to journaling for your health and well-being. Writing about the issue and your feelings about it, coming up with solutions, and focusing on the good aspects of your circumstances are the keys to journaling well.

Seeking Guidance

Having social support from smart and helpful individuals can be a terrific way to decompress. If you’re lucky, you may be able to talk to them about your problems. Laugh with them rather than berating them.

When faced with a bigger obstacle, share your feelings with them, obtain their advice (and perhaps an embrace), and then move on to a more upbeat conversation. It’s not necessary to complain.

Remaining Grateful

Counting your blessings is a wonderful technique to lift your spirits and divert your attention from your problems. It is difficult to be unhappy when you are appreciative of your good fortune.

According to research, cultivating appreciation improves mood, subjective well-being, and life satisfaction while lowering depressive symptoms.

Making a Move

Dissatisfaction with something in life (often combined with a sense of helplessness to alter it) gives rise to the need to complain. Grievances may indicate that something needs to be done.

Therefore, the next time you want to whine, try to think of anything you can do to improve your situation, and then, if at all feasible, really do it.

Developing Optimism

Replacing negative behaviors with positive ones makes it much simpler to break the bad ones. There are numerous advantages to switching out pessimistic ideas and statements with positive ones. Even if you don’t intend to stop complaining anytime soon, it’s still worthwhile to give it a shot.

Review:If you are attempting to complain less, a variety of tactics may be useful. A few strategies that could be helpful are keeping a journal, getting support, resolving issues, and increasing optimism.

When Complaining is a Good Thing?

Complaining isn’t always a bad thing. When handled skillfully, complaining can really improve your quality of life. The important thing to remember is that it must be done a certain way and for a specific reason.

According to a study that was written in the Journal of Social Psychology, people are happier when they complain in order to get what they want rather than just for the sake of complaining.

These results align with previous studies on the affective manifestations of dissatisfaction. Evidence suggests that venting emotions frequently makes unpleasant emotions worse, despite the fact that it is occasionally thought of as a means of achieving relief.

This is valid in virtual environments as well. While writing a critical review or tirade online may temporarily lift your spirits, research indicates that dwelling on these unpleasant feelings actually lowers moods. It tends to heighten feelings rather than release them.

What therefore can you do to make your complaints useful and fruitful? Several helpful strategies include:

Speak up for Yourself

It’s crucial to complain with a reason, especially when defending oneself in a relationship or at work. In any case, complaining nonstop will only lead to increased stress and conflict. However, smart complaints that concentrate on finding workable solutions might make venting these frustrations more beneficial.

Use Complaining to Gain Clarity

While focusing on the past might be detrimental, there are instances when processing your experiences and gaining perspective can be aided by blogging or talking about your worries.

Don’t Make Too Many Complaints

Make an effort to communicate mostly positively during the day. When you do complain, be conscious of the influence it may have on your mood and voice your complaints thoughtfully.

Think about allocating a specific period of time for worrying or grumbling about an issue. Decide on a time, and when that moment comes, stop.

Avoid Co-Complaining

While it may be alluring to let other people validate your grievances, dwelling on your grievances with other people for extended periods of time can be detrimental. Rather, make an effort to spend as little time as possible with those who constantly complain.

Review:Sometimes complaining can be beneficial, especially if it is done deliberately to solve an issue. You can make sure that your complaining is constructive rather than depressing by keeping it to a minimum and utilizing it to speak up for yourself.

Takeaway

Trying to cut down on your complaining can improve your life and overall wellbeing. It can enhance your relationships and give you a more positive outlook on life. When you do feel the urge to complain, keep in mind to confine your grievances to issues that you are attempting to resolve. Your life is ultimately what you make of it, and these techniques can help you create a calmer one.

Thanks for reading my article.

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